


look at me, my love

by peachykeen66



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Hurt No Comfort, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani Whump, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Whump, Permanent Character Death, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 13:13:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30055992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachykeen66/pseuds/peachykeen66
Summary: Nicky had everyone convinced that he and Joe would die the same way they entered this immortal life, together. Nicky is, unfortunately, very wrong.In another universe, Andromache never loses her immortality. One of the other members of The Old Guard does.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	look at me, my love

**Author's Note:**

> This took me forever to actually finish because I only wrote it during my lunch breaks at work (and due to the fact that I am physically unable to write a successful Nicky POV). But the idea wouldn’t leave my brain so I had to write something down.
> 
> Please enjoy nonetheless. Any translations will be in the end notes.

Joe gasps awake for the fifth time that hour. He automatically tries to sit up, torso only getting an inch or two off the table while his wrists stay strapped down at his sides. The smell of iron and antiseptic assault his nose and the piercing beeping of the machine he is hooked up to only add to his momentary panic of,  _where am I? What is going on? Where is Nicolò?_

“ _Tesoro_.”

Joe turns his head to the right, eyes immediately latching onto those of his husband, who is strapped down on his own table in a similar fashion. He does not look any different than Joe remembered; blood still streaked his pale, unmarked skin in the same exact spots as it did three hours prior.

The doctor, who the guards continually referred to as Kozak, started taking samples right away, barely letting the two immortals lay down before she was swabbing Nicky for saliva samples and drawing blood from the crook of Joe’s elbow. After she was satisfied with those basic tests, she began going back and forth between the two men, taking larger and more invasive samples. Joe can still feel the phantom pain of a scalpel digging into him, cutting pieces of skin off his abdomen and chest. If Joe closes his eyes, he can still hear Nicky’s stuttered breathing as long needles dug into his side, taking small chunks of organ and muscle tissue with them as they were removed. The worst had been the hour Dr. Kozak decided to test how quickly their organs would regrow. Joe clenches his fists, squeezing his eyes shut at the memory of Nicky’s chest being pried open with clamps, gloved hands digging past exposed rib to cut out his lungs. Nicky tried staying awake for as long as he could, tears matching Joe’s own as he groaned and sobbed through the pain.

“ _Per favore, amore mio. Guardami_ _._ ”

Joe did as Nicky asked, instantly seeing his love’s own pain and concern reflecting back at him. He saw the lingering remnants of Nicolò’s rage burning bright from when Kozak nicked an artery removing Joe’s heart, bleeding him out faster than his body could heal.

“Dove sei?”

Joe chuckled softly, fear and pain disappearing for a moment. He will never get over his husbands unwavering kindness and ability to read Yusuf better than he himself sometimes can.

“I’m right here, hayati. I didn’t go anywhere.”

Nicky sends him a barely there smile, before nodding, accepting the fact that Joe is alright for now. Joe in turn, simply observes his partner for the moment. The dark smudges under his eyes are still present, and despite hearing Joe snap back to life, gasping heavily over the noisy medical equipment around them, his jaw is clenched, worry not soothed in the slightest.

They only had another moment together before Kozak walked back into Joe’s line of vision, sitting down in one of the metal stools besides Nicky’s chair. Nicky looked over at her, watching as she tugged his right arm towards her, straightening it out before wiping it with iodine.

“We need to see how the deeper parts of your bodies heal and react to injury.” She picks up a new scalpel from the small medical table behind her. Nicky turns his head back towards the ceiling, face carefully blank. “Organs may take minutes, but they do eventually fully grow back. Can the same be said for more complicated systems in the body? How does the cartilage and ligaments reform around the joints?” She rubs her thumb over the smooth skin on Nicky’s forearm, hovering the scalpel as she does so. Joe scoffs.

“I though you were trying to save the world or what have you. What does looking at some cartilage truly show you, doctor?”

Kozak digs the scalpel into the skin at the base of the thumb, cutting along the line of Nicky’s wrist. Joe can’t help the involuntary shout he lets out at hearing Nicky hiss against the stinging pain.

“I have plenty of time to solve the many diseases of the world. For now, I have a few questions that I would love answered.”

Joe leans up and yanks his wrists again, seeing the blood spill out of Nicky onto the floor. Nicolò stares ahead, wincing as Kozak holds the skin apart with one hand and moves the blade towards the middle of his forearm with the other. She presses down and cuts a long line deep into the skin, dragging it until it meets the previous cut she made, making a crude “T” shape. 

Yusuf has seen bodies get shot down, blood spattering across the walls behind them. He has walked past arms and heads with no body on the battlefield, kicked around by their fellow brothers as they run for cover. He has seen mother earth scorch the ground and bubble human flesh faster than Yusuf could blink. Yet the sight of the doctor peeling back the two slabs of skin on Nicky’s arm to expose bone and tissue make Joe nauseous. Kozak makes a humming sound as she nicks a vein. Blood drips down his husbands arm and spills out onto the floor faster then he knows Nicky will heal. Tears pool in his eyes and he grits his teeth.

“Nicolò, habibi.”

Nicky tilts his head towards Joe, brow furrowed.

“Just keep your eyes on me, love. It’ll be over soon.”

Nicky nods slowly, and despite the tears falling from his eyes, he does not look away. Kozak moves the skin back further, and Nicky’s brow furrows. 

“Yusuf. Yusuf, tesoro I-I don’t...”

Nicky drifts off slightly, blinking owlishly at Joe. Behind him, Kozak makes another humming sound, picking up a pair of tweezers. 

“ _Yusuf_ .”

Joe has seen Nicky die, be cut open, get blown up, be injured in an unmeasurable amount of ways. Joe knows Nicky in death as much as he does in life. He knows how fast blood drains from their bodies, and he knows how quickly the body attempts to recover from the damage. Knowing all that, however, doesn’t make the situation they are stuck in any easier to deal with.

Joe switches to Ligurian, the first language he and Nicolò were able to communicate in. 

" _Nicolò, Nicolò look at me. Keep your eyes on me_."

Nicky nods, smiling loosely at hearing the old language.

" _I would not want to look anywhere else_.”

Joe is huffing out a laugh that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

It isn’t much longer until Nicky’s eyes start closing, clearly struggling to stay awake, whether for his husbands sake or his own, Joe’s not sure.

“Yusuf...” He trails off, unable to finish his sentence. Joe’s heart breaks at the sight, but he puts on a smile once more to ease his lover’s passing.

“Habibi, it’s alright.  _I’ll be here with you, no matter what. It’ll be okay my love_.”

Nicky’s eyes never leave Joe’s as he takes three more shallow breathes, and dies.

Joe slams his head against the back of his table, gritting his teeth at the situation they’re put in. At what Nicolò has to be put through. He only takes another few moments to rage internally before turning his head back towards Nicky. 

He’s not sure when this habit started exactly; maybe in the last few months, maybe when they found Andromache chained to a brick wall, alone, screaming for Quynh, or possibly as far back as the crusades, when Yusuf and Nicolò finally put down their weapons and joined hands, but whenever they die, Nicky and Joe make sure they don’t come back alone. Whether it’s one holding the other in his arms as bullets dig their way out of skin, or just a glance and nod in the others direction as some unknown battle continues to wage on around them dying and reviving. Joe has never missed the moment Nicky gasps back to life, eyes lighting up as they meet his, and he doesn’t plan to now. 

Except, the Nicky he turns towards isn’t jerking up, air finding it’s way back into his lungs, eyes marking his surroundings before finally landing on Joe. 

This Nicky is just as still and empty as the one Joe last saw. The voice in the back of his mind is screaming at him. His stomach churns and his fingers automatically start to pick at the cuffs he had unsuccessfully tried to pry apart hours earlier. Something is wrong. He quickly glances at Kozak and regrets it almost as soon as his eyes find her.

Kozak is no longer working on Nicky’s arm, and is instead simply watching it, brows furrowed, head shaking ever so slightly.

His world suddenly feels off kilter and, even though something deep inside of him is  _howling_ , all he can manage is a desperate,

“N-Nicolò? Nicolò  _destati_ .”

Kozak pokes the scalpel around inside Nicky’s arm again. The eyes that were once so expressive, so piercing, are now still blankly staring through Joe.

“Nicolò  please,  you have to wake up.” 

Joe’s chest  _hurts_ ,  he can barely breathe as tears start falling from his eyes because Kozak is looking so confused and Nicky isn’t  _waking_ _up_.  It’s never taken this long to heal a wound of this kind. Nicky should be alert, throwing insults at the doctor in a language she couldn’t possibly begin to grasp. Nicky should be safe and warm in their bed, stomach full of his favorite fruits they picked fresh at the market, and laughter in his eyes at another day spent with their family. He should be teaching Nile, their newest member, how to shoot from a rifle, how to cook gnocci, how to bat her eyes in just the right way to get Andromache eating out of the palm of her hand. Nicolò should be  _waking up_.

Instead, Kozak sits up, looking at Joe.

“Why isn’t his arm healing?” 

For the first time in a very long time, Joe is speechless.

“He was healing before, why has he suddenly stopped?” She skims over the notes laying out on the table next to her. “We didn’t give him anything new, his arm should be stitching itself up again.”

Joe couldn’t hear her past the ringing in his ears. His vision blurs as more tears fall from his eyes, not bothering to try and wipe them away. He yanks his wrists and chest against the bindings trapping him, fighting a losing battle to grasp Nicky, to hold onto him until he snaps back into himself. The world spins around him and yet his mind is frozen on one thing.

“ _Destiny brought us together, my love. She would never separate us. It would be too cruel._ ”

For the first time in over nine hundred years, Nicolò di Genova was not waking up.

“ No no no no, Nicolò _please_.” 

Joe couldn’t focus on anything except for Nicky’s eyes which, usually so kind and observant, are now lifeless. Empty. Gone.

_Please God, don’t take him away from me. Bring him back to me. Don’t make me live in this world without him. Don’t take my moon, my sea, my heart away from me. If you must take him God, if this is his fate, then please take me too._

He loses track of what he is saying, muttering jumbled prayers and pleas to any God out there possibly hearing him to please let Nicolò  wake up.

Kozak walks around to look at Joe, not daring to get physically close to him as he thrashes around. He doesn’t need to watch his arms to know the scrapes and gouges he is creating are closing up seamlessly as ever. The familiar itch that comes with skin knitting together is driving Yusuf  _insane_.  They were supposed to live together. They were supposed to  die  together .  Nicolò had been wrong. Fate was that cruel.

Not as cruel as people can be, however. Whatever sense of awareness that slipped from Joe’s mind comes snapping back into place once Kozak says, “Take the body downstairs, I need to run more tests before it starts decomposing.” 

A growl is ripped out of Joe, bindings straining against his wrists. “ _Do not touch him_.”

Kozak flinches at the tone, watching Joe more closely than before. He can’t help but feel satisfied at finally getting a reaction other than sadistic awe from the doctor. It sours quickly once the two guards by the door walk forward and kick out the locks from under Nicky’s table.

“I said  _leave him_.”

The guards don’t pay him any mind. Instead, they begin wheeling Nicky towards the door, away from Joe.

“No! No! Nicolò!”

As Joe screams out, Kozak grabs her notes from off the table that used to be next to Nicky, following behind the guards. She will most likely cut Nicky up. She will slice and pick pieces of him apart until she has nothing left to take. She will leave Nicky’s body defiled and rotten and store the scraps she doesn’t need away. No one deserves this treatment. Nicolò, his heart, his other half, his very reason for existing, deserves better. And Yusuf will most likely never see his husband’s body again. Yusuf will never hear his laugh, or cry, or shout in pleasure again. Yusuf will be forced to live without Nicolò, but in the end, what kind of life is that?

“Please,” Joe begs one last time, throat on fire from his screams, “please, leave Nicky here. Don’t take him away.” Kozak doesn’t even grace him with a fleeting glance before walking out and shutting the door behind her.

Yusuf, for the first time in almost a millennium, is utterly, irrevocably alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully chapter 2 will be out some time this week, I just have a few more lines to write/clean up. Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it tremendously! If there is any confusion or mistakes with the translation let me know. 
> 
> Translations:  
> “Per favore, amore mio. Guardami.” - Please my love, look at me.  
> “Dove sei?” - Where are you?


End file.
